Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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