eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
