what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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