yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
