I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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