you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
