Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
