there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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