I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
