wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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