why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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