I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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