and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize