Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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