now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
