At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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