It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize