Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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