Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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