I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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