Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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