She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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