dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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