You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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