Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
