So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
