Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
