he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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