I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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