How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
