I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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