Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
