From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
being pregnant is like rehab
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
