I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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