ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
