9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
