i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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