i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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