you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
