YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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