I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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