Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i think i just lost a toe
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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