my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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