just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.