I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning