If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him