Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.