y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho