ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code