Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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