so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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