I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
