Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
