Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The Olympian is in my bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
