hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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