yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize