she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
