I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
