this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
