I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
