Don't you send me to vm
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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