maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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