Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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