wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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