i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
