p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
