Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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