I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
