took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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